Modena – on his blog showupwithme.com American putter Carly Lloyd Publish a publication entitled Dear volleyball …
We publish it here, and we thank Nicolas Maseroni for the translation posted on the Facebook group of èpiù VBC Pallavolo Rosa Casalmaggiore fans.
From Carly Lloyd
Yesterday I had heavy thoughts about how much I missed you. It seemed right to sit down and try to write it …
Here I am after five and a half months pregnant and yes, I’ve played … I’ve touched the ball at least twice a week. on the beach. Different sport, different ball, different field.
The differences and all – it really has brought me the feeling of joy I need to keep myself in balance while I miss you, my competitive sport that has been with me for the last 20 years of my life. I miss the routine. I miss the physical effort. I miss contact with my colleagues. I miss the growth of training. I miss the gyms. energy. I miss the fans and the love of the game that vibrates from the stands to the pitch and from all over my body to the space in my heart. I miss the programming and the consistency it brings. I lack confidence in knowing that hard work is best and feeling that my body is putting in a lot of energy to get better, to build more and to improve. I miss the movement, the flow, and the excitement. I miss very tired after a five-set match.
Damn it, I miss everything.
Volleyball, you’ve been a great partner. You introduced me to my best friend. She took me all over the world. You gave me the opportunity to see more. I don’t feel lost without you … I feel fine, but I definitely miss you. There’s a big part of me that I don’t feel like the competition time is over. There’s a part of me that wants another season outside. New city, new apartment, coach and new colleagues. New challenges. New targets. This part of me hurts a little when I think I won’t be back. But then I remember what possibilities this pregnancy and this baby brings, and I have to remind myself that everything will work out as it should.
I remember when I left the national team. In pain and sadness. In tears. A hint of anger, a heavy heart, and above all, a feeling of pain. But then I remember how I focused on the gift I still had in continuing to play volleyball outside to get over some pain. I remember how this helped me recover from the pain. Some pains, not all. The process has been long and somehow I think there are still some things that need to be resolved. Since then it has been watching how life continues to swirl. As the seasons halted, fans were banned, epidemics continued, and the Olympics postponed. Lots of things appeared that I didn’t expect and changed life paths around the world. With all of this, I know expecting a smooth and predictable transition to anything in the future would be a bit ridiculous to me. There is zeal in this though. I have learned to allow the spontaneity of life to please me more than to rock me. Riley helped me with that.
So here I am … I don’t know if I’m going back on the field at a gym outside … I don’t know if I’m going to play – and I’m in that pain most of the time. This moment … also shows me how good my chances are. My colleagues, countries, growth, coaches, cultures – things I will never forget.
I miss you volleyball. I miss dribbling the forwards and working on bluffing and celebrating my team mates when they do well and have a late dinner with my uncle after matches. I miss those messages from my mother telling me how watching me while playing brings her so much joy I miss thinking about training and thinking about all the things I still want to improve.
If you are an athlete and still reading, I am sure you can relate to it. Our sports are a wonderful piece of our life. If I play and compete again, I smile at you. Literally.
If you are like me and remember a little pain in your heart, I send you a hug full of understanding.
There is such a place deep in my heart that feels like my time with you is not over yet … But this is the feeling today – who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I have so much love for you, volleyball